My mother – our pillar of strength – the story of the mother of Mdm Halimah Yacob

translated by Radiah Salim

 

“Even though she had to work very hard for the well-being of her family, Halimah Yacob’s mother did not have any difficulty in helping those in need.”

 

“My mother, Maimun binte Abdullah, only knows the year she was born, that is 1925, because that was the only date stated on her identity card. She does not know the date or day that she was born. Her age will be 89 this year.

Mother is was the adopted child of Chinese parentage by my grandparents. She does not know who her real parents were because she was given to my grandmother soon after she was born.

 

Although she lived a hard life as a child, she managed to get formal education till primary six. In those days, being educated up till primary six was regarded as of a high level, and whoever managed to complete primary six was qualified to become a schoolteacher. However, my grandparents did not allow mother to become one.

 

I still remember how difficult our lives were when I was little, even when my father was still alive and was able to earn a living to support us. What more when father passed away, we went through greater hardship. Mother had to work as a food stall assistant to one of our relatives. We hardly saw her as she had to leave very early in the morning and will return home only late at night.

Growing up poor was very challenging, but at the same time, we learnt to be independent from a very young age. We learnt how to look after ourselves, to make decisions and to know what is good or bad for us.

 

When I grew older, I started to help my mother at the food stall such as cleaning tables, washing dishes and serving customers. Sometimes, I was entrusted to buy groceries for home and for the stall. That was when I developed skills such as how to buy healthy chicken or to choose fresh fish, something that probably most children nowadays do not know how to. I also learnt the meaning of resilience, discipline, hard work and how to budget from my mother.

 

On money matters, the philosophy that my mother adopts is very simple- do not buy anything that one cannot afford. This will prevent one from having debts. Some years later, after I got married and owned our own flat, we could only afford a 14-inch TV and vinyl flooring. We would rather live modestly than borrow money to renovate our home.

 

Our relatives call mother ‘lipas kudung’ (literally ‘amputated cockroach’) because she was very hardworking and would complete her tasks in record time. She was a very responsible and soft-hearted person. I only found out some years later from our relatives that our home was a refuge for many of our young relatives who needed a roof over their heads while their parents solve their family problems. Now I recall how, in the past, our house was also occupied by my cousins and other relatives. I think to myself - how did my parents manage to support them although we ourselves were very poor?

Mother once told us about the time when we lived on the upper floor of a double-storey apartment in Queen Street. At that time, our relationship with the family occupying the first floor was not too good. They used to turn on the water pipe to the maximum and this reduced the flow of water to us on the upper floor. On occasion, we would not have any water. To solve that problem, mother would get up as early as 4 am to cook, wash clothes and gather water for us to use for the rest of the day.

 

My mother was also a creative person. She would make flowers from bits of cloth, paper, beads and also things that cannot be of any use. It can be said that mother was very popular among our relatives, who frequently requested from her to produce those flowers to be used as tokens for weddings and also as decoration for the wedding table or marital dais. Due to her interest in flower-making, mother would stay up till 2 to 3 am in the morning to complete her flower orders. All this was done from a sincere heart, although mother would not be given any payment for her efforts.

 

When I grew up, I often asked her what motivated her to do all this although she was also busy earning a living for us at the food stall, and because of that, she could easily turn down such requests. She would answer briefly, “It is not nice, right, if we do not fulfil people’s wishes.” She also liked to knit and I still keep her knitted bags in my cupboard because several years after she stopped working, she still could not sit still at home to do nothing. She needed to do something in the daytime and so she started knitting.

 

My mother now has mild dementia. She no longer remembers the stories that she used to tell me. I regret that I am no longer able to converse with her more often to know what is in her heart and what she really wants out of life. All her life, she worked very hard to fulfil the needs of others – her family, and her struggles to ensure that we had enough to eat and a home to live in after father’s passing. But, what are her own dreams, hopes and wishes for herself? I do not think I will know all these, but I will continue to shower her with love, protection and care - things that she has a right to.

 

I am also thankful that my children have benefitted from her loving care when they were little, when she used to care for them while I went out to work. Now, my children take turns to take her to her medical appointments without being reminded. They would also buy her food that she likes. Essentially, I believe that how our own children would treat us when we grow old mirrors how we treat our own parents.

 

What is clear, my mother belongs to a different generation. Her generation show true resilience although they face many hardships. They strive very hard to earn a living because for them, “no one owes them a living”. It is not easy for the current generation to emulate the pioneer generation because they went through different circumsyances and hold to a different set of values. Mother’s generation went through very hard times during the Japanese occupation and they knew how difficult life was at the time.

 

Moeover, after Singapore gained independence, there were very little resources available. The government at that time did not have extra resources and whatever existed was used to build basic facilities such as roads, sanitation, hospitals, schools and housing. There was never any thought of giving social assistance because what was clear was that resources were limited. People made do with the limited resources that they had.

 

This is why I feel that my mother’s generation and those belonging to the 60 plus age group should be truly recognised under the Pioneer Generation Package. Their contribution towards nation-building was tremendous, but what is clear is that they are not asking for any reward. For me, it is not about monetary reward. What is more important is the recognition and affirmation that their contribution is no less important and will not be forgotten in history.

For many members of the pioneer generation who until present are still putting in a lot of effort but face health issues and are worried that they may burden their families, this package is for them. In order to fulfil their health needs, we wish for each of them to feel that they are appreciated. We want them to feel that the government has not forgotten them or their contributions as they go through their twilight years.”

 

Original Writing in Melayu

 

Ibu saya tunjang utama – kisah ibu kepada Puan Halimah Yacob

“Biar terpaksa bekerja keras demi kesejahteraan keluarga, ibu Halimah Yacob tidak keberatan bantu orang yang memerlukan”

 

Ibu saya, Maimun binte Abdullah, hanya mengetahui tahun beliau dilahirkan, iaitu 1925, kerana ini sahaja yang tertara pada kad pengenalannya. Beliau tidak tahu tarikh atau hari beliau dilahirkan.Tahun ini usianya menjangkau 89 tahun.

Ibu merupakan anak angkat yang diambil oleh datuk dan nenek daripada keluarga Cina. Beliau tidak mengenali ibu bapa kandungnya kerana beliau diserahkan kepada nenek sejurus beliau dilahirkan.

 

Biarpun kehidupan ibu semasa kecil amat sukar, ibu Berjaya mendapat pendidikan hingga ke darjah enam. Pada masa itu, darjah enam sudah dianggap tinggi dan sesiapa yang memiliki pendidikan hingga ke darjah enam layak menjadi guru. Tetapi sayang sekali, datuk dan neneak tidak membenarkan beliau menjadi guru.

Saya masih ingat lagi betapa sukar kehidupan kami semasa saya kecil, biarpun ayah masih hidup dan menyara kami sekeluarga. Apatah lagi apabila ayah meninggal dunia, kehidupan kami bertambah sukar, Ibu terpaksa keluar bekerja untuk membantu menyenggara gerai makanan seorang saudara kami. Kami jarang melihatnya kerana beliau akan keluar rumah pada awal pagi dan pulang pada lewat malam.

 

Membesar dalam keadaan serba kekurangan amat mencabar, tetapi pada masa yang sama, ia membuat kami lebih berdikari pada usia yang amat muda. Kami belajar bagaimana mengendalikan diri sendiri, membuat keputusan dan memastikan apa yang baik atau tidak untuk diri sendiri.

 

Apabila saya dewasa, saya mula membantu ibu di gerainya seperti membersihkan meja, mencuci pinggan mangkuk dan melayani pelanggan. Ada kala, saya ditugaskan membeli keperluan rumah dan gerai di pasar. Dari situlah saya melengkapkan diri dengan kemahiran kehidupan seperti bagaimana membeli ayam yang sihat atau memilih ikan yang segar, sesuatu yang mungkin anak-anak hari ini tidak mengetahuinya. Saya juga belajar erti ketahan, disiplin, usaha gigih dan cara membajet daripada ibu saya.

Dalam soal kewangan, falsafah yang dipegang ibu saya amat mudah – jangan beli sesuatu yang kita tidak mampu. Ini akan mengelakkan kita daripada berhutang. Beberapa tahun kemudian, setelah saya berumah tanggadan mempunyai flat sendiri, kami hanya mampu membeli televisyen 14 inci dan tikar getah untuk mengalas lantai. Kami lebih bersedia hidup dalam kesederhanaan daripada meminjam wang untuk mengubah elok rumah.

Saudara-mara saya memanggil ibu lipas kudung kerana beliau seorang yang amat tekun bekerja dan pantas melakukan apa saja yang dibuatnya. Beliau seseorang yang bertanggungjawab dan lembut hati. Saya hanya tahu beberapa tahun kemudian daripada saudara-mara saya bahawa rumah kami merupakan tempat perlindungan bagi anak-anak saudara-mara yang lain yang memerlukan tempat berteduh sedang ibu bapa mereka menyelesaikan masaalah keluarga. Barulah saya teringat keadaan rumah saya yang ada kalanya didiami ole sepupu serta saudara-mara saya yang lain. Apa yang terlintas dalam fikiran saya ialah, bagaimana ibu dan bapa saya dapat menampung keperluan makan minum anak-anak tersebut dalam keadaan kami sendiri hidup dalam serba kekurangan.

Ibu pernah menceritakan tentang kehidupan kami sekeluarga menginap di tingkat atas rumah dua tingkat di Queen Street. Ketika itu, hubungan kami dengan keluarga di tingkat satu tidaklah begitu baik. Dan mereka sengaja membuka paip air sebesar-besarnya dan ini menjejas aliran air ke rumah kami di tingkat atas. Ada kala kami tidak dapat bekalan air langsung. Bagi mengatasi masaalah tersebut, ibu bangun seawal empat pagi untuk memasak, mencuci baju dan mengumpul air bagi kegunaan kami sepanjang hari.

Ibu saya juga seorang yang kreatif. Beliau akan membuat bunga daripada bahanbahan kain, kertas, manik dan juga daripada bahan yang tidak digunakan lagi. Boleh dikatakan ibu amat popular dalam kalangan sanak saudara kami yang sering memintanya menghasilkan bunga-bunga tersebut untuk digunakan sebagai berkat majlis perkahwinan dan juga hiasa bagi meja pengantin atau pelamin. Kerana minatnya membuat bunga-bungan itu, ibu berjaga hungga dua atau tiga pagi untuk menylesaikan tempahannya. Ini semua dilakukan dengan hati yang ikhlas biarpun ibu tidak menerima apa-apa bayaran.

Apabila saya dewasa, saya sering bertanyakannya apa yang memberinya motivasi untuk melakukan ini semua sedangkan beliau sibuk menyara kehidupan kami di gerai dan kerana itu, beliau boleh menolak saja permintaan tersebut. Namun, jawapan ringkas yang diberikan olehnya “tak baikkan, ini hajat orang”. Beliau juga suka mengait dan saya masih menyimpan beg-beg kaitannya dalam almari saya kerana beberapa tahun setelah beliau tidak bekerja, beliau masih tidak boleh duduk diam di rumah. Beliau perlu melakukan sesuatu pada siang hari dan mulalah beliau mengait.

Ibu kini mengalami demensia tahap rendah. Beliau tidak ladi ingat banyak cerita yang beliau sering beritahu saya. Saya terkilan kerana tidak peluang berbual dengannya dengan lebih kerap bagi mengenali isi hatinya dan apa yang dininginkannya dalam kehidupan. Sepanjang kehidupannya, beliau berusaha gigih untuk memenuhi keperluan orang lain – keluarganya dan perjuanganya demi memastikan kami semua mempunyai makanan dan tempat berteduh selepas ayah meninggal dunia. Tetapi apakah impian, harapan dan keinginan buat dirinya sendiri? Saya fikir sya tidak akan tahu semua ini, tetapi saya akan terus berusaha memberinya kasih saying, perlindungan dan penjagaaan yang merupakan perkara-perkara yang beliau berhak menerima.

Saya juga berterimakasih kerana anak-anak saya telah mendapat menfaat dari belaian kasih saying dan jagaannya semasa mereka kecil apabila beliau menjaga mereka ketika saya keluar bekerja. Kini anak-anak saya bergilir membawa nenek ke hospital untuk pemeriksaan tanpa perlu diingatkan. Mereka juga mebelikannya makanan yang digemarinya. Pada hakikatnya, saya yakin bahawa bagaimana kita melayan ibu bapa kita, begitulah anak kita akan melayan kita apabila kita tua.

Yang nyata, ibu saya berasal daripada generasi yang berbeza. Generasinya benar-benar dapat bertahan biarpun hidup dalam keadaan yang sukar. Mereka bekerja gigih untuk menyara kehidupan kerana bagi mereka tiada sesiapa yang akan membantu mereka kecuali mereka membantu diri sendiri. Bagi mereka, “no one owes them a living.” Sukar bagi generasi masa kini meniru generasi perintis tersebut kerana mereka hidup dalam sekitaran yang berbeza dan berpegang pada nilai yang berlainan. Generasi ibu menjalani kehidupan yang sukar semasa pemerintahan Jepun dan mereka tahu bagaimana sukarnya kehidupan ketika itu.

Dan apabila Singapura mencapai kemerdekaan, sumber yang ada tidak banyak untuk dikongsi. Pemerintah ketika itu tidak mempunyai sumber yang berlebihan dan apa saja yang ada digunakan untuk membuna prasarana yang asas yang diperlukan seperti jalan raya, sanitasi, hospital, sekolah dan perumahan. Tiada terfikir ketika itu untuk memberi bantuan sosial kerana yang nyata, sumber yang ada amat terhad. Orang ramai melakukan apa saja yang boleh mereka lakukan dengan sumber yang mereka ada.

Kerana itu, saya berpendapat generasi ibu saya dan mereka yang usianya menjangkau 60-an benar- benar berhak diberu pengiktirafan di bawah Pakej Generasi perintis. Sumbangan mereka terhadap pembangunan Negara amat banyak, tetapi yang nyata mereka tidak mngharapkan apa-apa balasan. Bagi saya, ia bukan soal wang seperti saya menjaga ibu saya selama ini. Apa yang lebih penting, ialah pengiktirafan dan kata-kata pengesahan bahawa sumbangan mereka tidak kurang pentingnya dan tidak terbuang begitu saja dan hilang dalam sejarah.

Bagi ramai generasi perintis yang hinggga hari ini masih gigih berusaha tetapi menghadapi masaalah kesihatan dan bimbang jika mereka menjadi beban buat keluarga, pakej ini adalah untuk mereka. Bagi memudahkan keperluan kesihatan mereka, kami ingin setiap daripada mereka hidup dengan rasa diri mereka dihargai. Kami ingin mereka merasakan bahawa pemerintah tidak melupakan mereka dan sumbangan mereka sedang mereka meniti usia senja.

 

 

 

21 January 2014

Radiah Salim

 

Umi

Umi means “my mother” in Arabic.

      This is the story of my mother - Mdm Rogayah Binti Shikh Ahmad.

Umi was born the eldest daughter in a family of 5 children. Initially she was given to her maternal aunty for adoption. This aunt had no children. When Umi turned 5, her father passed away. Her father’s relatives then decided that Umi should be returned to her birth mother so that she can be ‘reunited with her siblings’.

      Upon the passing of Umi’s father, her mum had to struggle to make ends meet. She could not afford to have all her children at school. Grandmother decided that her daughter Rogayah should not be at school but instead, must stay home to help her with household chores and her small business selling Malay cakes and simple dishes.

      Umi wanted very much to be able to go to school. However, she was not given that privilege and as the eldest daughter, she accepted that she had to give in to the others – her younger sister Zaharah and her 3 brothers. She told herself that one day, if she has her own children, every single one of them will be given the opportunity to have a good education.

      When Umi turned 20, she was asked to marry my father. Although she was not keen to marry my father, being the obedient daughter, she consented.

My father had only a primary school education, and although a hardworking man, his pay as a labourer was barely enough to feed us. Hence, he also did a part-time small business selling popular magazines at the five-foot walkway at Geylang Serai. He would leave very early in the morning for his day job and return late at night daily due to his part-time business in the evenings.

      I hardly saw, let alone interact with my father during my growing-up years.

My mother brought us up. All seven of us – two boys and five girls. Two of her children died when they were very little – Sa’id at 6 months from a febrile illness and Noorhuda at age 3 from pneumonia. Perhaps this is why Umi was particularly vigilant when any one of us developed a fever. She would not waste any time taking us to the doctor.

      She cooked, cleaned, did all the marketing, sewed our clothes, took us to the doctor when any fell sick and made sure we all got enrolled into the school system. She ensured we learnt to read the Quran and how to pray (although she herself could not read).

       She used to carry a small 555 booklet and in it the grocery storeowner would jot down how much she owed him – usually she didn’t have enough cash to pay so a lot is on credit. I remember one time there was nothing in the kitchen, so she bought some food from the Indian stall and we shared and I remember she was crying. Looking back at my old photos- in it you could see how thin we all were. Luckily while I was in primary school they used to have a scheme to help the very thin ones with free milk drinks every recess time – and I was one of those who benefited. I used to accompany her to the wet market and I remember she would go from stall to stall bargaining and looking for the cheapest items. She was a great cook though and with what little she could afford she still managed to cook us delicious and nutritious meals.

      Umi was a disciplinarian – probably because her own mother was very strict and perhaps the fact that we were poor meant that she could not afford to pamper us. She made sure we didn’t miss our five daily prayers. She never forced us to work hard at our studies though. She was very matter-of-fact and told her daughters– “It’s up to you – if you work hard and do well in school you can be somebody but if you are not interested in your studies, then just wait for a good husband and be stuck in the kitchen.”

      Like most Asian mothers Umi did not show her love by physical touch, however, we all really appreciated they way she always put us before her. She would make sure we all ate before she did. When my eldest sister Faridah fell ill with schizophrenia, my mum took her to Woodbridge Hospital for treatment. Whenever Faridah was hospitalized, Umi would visit her almost daily to ensure she got to eat delicious meals instead of the bland hospital food. I remember how we needed to take 2 buses to get to the hospital.

       I had a stormy relationship with Umi during my teenage years. Being headstrong, I always seemed to argue with her – as a result I used to get scolded often. I used to hate her even and wondered why I had such a strict mother. I suppose it was not easy for her to handle a stubborn teenager. Thankfully, by the time I was 16, our relationship improved because I learnt how to hold my tongue and not to argue with her over small matters.

      Umi appreciated my help with housework, was rather happy that I did well in school and trusted me more than my younger sister. Each time I asked to be out late or to attend a school camp, she would not hesitate in giving her permission – and simply reminded me to be careful.

      By the time I reached adulthood, our relationship became cordial. I always felt though that she loved one of our brothers and our youngest sister the most. Hence when I made the decision to migrate to Australia when I was 24, I was not missing her much. I didn’t think she would miss me at all. Two years Iater, she came to Australia at the invitation of my sister in Melbourne. I thought she looked very old and sad. Tears came to my eyes – all this while she was missing me, her ‘most difficult’ daughter.

      After spending 10 years in Australia studying and working, I decided to return to mother and ‘nasi lemak’.

      I had the privilege of looking after my mother upon returning home. My other siblings are married with their own families, and Umi decided she prefer staying with her unmarried daughter at our own house.

     With her other children contributing as well, I realize that my mum is also a very generous person. She would hardly spend on herself but most of the cash she received from her children she would give back to charity. Whenever we stop at a petrol kiosk, Umi would remind me to tip the petrol attendant. She is also humorous in her old age. One time my brother rang while we were having dinner and I answered the call. My mum asked me “What does he want? Does he want milk?” We had a very good laugh.

      Now at the age of 85, Umi has dementia, and it is no longer safe for me to leave her at home alone most of the time. I have started to share the responsibility of caring for her with my sister in Malaysia – 3 weeks there and one week in Singapore – rotating. My sis has 8 children whom my mum simply adored, and they in turn adore her.

       My prayer is for Umi to be healthy and contented and to leave this world happy, and to enter paradise in the hereafter. Aameen. Yaa rabbal aalameen.